The Phrases from My Dad Which Helped Me when I became a New Father

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a broader inability to communicate between men, who still hold onto damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a respite - taking a short trip overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a family member, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."