🔗 Share this article

Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners again.

Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males have open relationships, but from my observations, they appear like hard work, frequently causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet someone who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Try to be present with your partners, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.